Predictions of a Champion

Golf and deadly beasts have long gone hand in hand. Greg ‘Shark’ Norman, Jack the Golden Bear, the Great Tiger himself. All legends of the fairways. All old news.

A new creature is in town and this one has slithered all the way to the top. Now Tim ‘el Snake’ Kilpatrick has a green jacket to match his scaly skin he is undoubtedly the star attraction on the BUAFC tour.

As a dedicated course member and experienced veteran of European Tour interviews, Mr Snake is the go to guy for golfing information. With this in mind, we at LeNurb Sports called TK77* in to the office to cast his venomy wisdom over the upcoming 2018 season.

Hey Tim, congratulations on a great 2017. First question and it’s the big one. Who will be wearing the green jacket this time next year?

It’s wide open, nobody has ever retained the Race to Holly Fry so automatically I’m ruling myself out.

Daniel Fox – the ‘horsham bomber’ may not have ever won a LD, or tasted any form of BUAFCGS glory, but his golf is definitely on the up and he’ll be hoping his Big Mac can bring some success this year. His biggest problem, there’s no way he’ll be allowed to play enough events to be competitive.

Jon Hanson – Jon’s chances will be very dependent on the 2018 course rota. May Master venue will suit him well – he’ll be desperate for some shorter courses to give him a real chance of glory.

Tom Clark – when he plays, he wins, but will BUAFCGS overcome his beloved cricket season or will it be ‘go home Fives’ for his Race to Holly Fry chances?

Ewang – Our new club captain would have been a certain favourite, however the weight of his new responsibilities and impending fatherhood probably rules him out.

Tommy – previously the go-to bet for any BUAFCGS event, the once single Tommy Arnold dominated the society. Now in a relationship, Tommy’s golf has plummeted and cannot see him challenging again.

Mop – If he stops sulking and actually tries he’ll clean up (like 2016), but he’ll probably just moan, pull a Mop face and leave the season empty handed.

But my favourite has to be Mr Etiquette himself, Adam Churcher. He’s joined a club now and will undoubtedly be playing more golf, draining more 50ft putts and finding even sneakier ways to drop a ball out of his trouser leg.

Thanks! On a one off basis, who will shoot the lowest individual gross score?

Jon has my bet here. Many haven’t noticed Hanson’s ability to drop a Kev Way scorecard when he’s playing outside of BUAFCGS…if they are legit, he could easily go low and maybe even break #TK76. However, questions will always remain over his mental resilience.

Questions shall certainly remain! Opening it up to the whole group. Where’s your slimy money going for best individual Stapleford total?

Tom Clark – he’s got a bandit handicap and providing he’s not the worst putter ever in the world, he’ll accrue some serious points.

His putting sure is the stuff of legend! Who you backing for most improved player 2018?

Daniel Fox – he’s been playing good golf over winter and I expect big performances in 2018.

Dark horse could be Danny Holmes. He’s committed to the (Editor’s note - Tim’s slithery tentacles clearly slipped from the keyboard at this point, or perhaps he ingested a whole cow. We will never know what he was to say about Holmer).

Ok he’s back! Away from the golfing achievements and perhaps more importantly; who’s your tip for best dressed 2018?

I’ll have to let Jay Way win something otherwise he won’t turn up, so let’s go with him.

One for the egos here. Who will bag the Most LD points in 2018? No laying up here!

It’s between two, Snake and Church…. I’m brave enough to say it will be me.

Thanks for taking the time out of your busy work schedule to meet with us. We wish you many successes in the year to come. Finally, who do you predict will be the most controversial player in 2018?

Whilst the Race to Holly Fry is tough to call, one thing is certain, the most controversy will come from Mr Thomas Arnold. Having been ‘rested’ from TD duties for 2017, there’s not much doubt that his September hosting will come with useless Beaver Cards, a very late announcement, and whole lot of pain…. Oh and he’ll probably have to face the disciplinary committee again.

Alternatively, Churcher may choose to hit his ball and that of another society member. Can never rule that out.

Before he left, Tim let us in to a few upcoming Season Specials at the newly established #SnakeSportsBet

Here are 2018s top tips

Tommy to win any BUAFCGS event (5/1)

Foxy to win a LD (3/1)

Mop to win Paultons Par 3 (1/1000)

+25 handicapper to win Race to Holly Fry (2/1)

Sloth to remain in whatsapp group until December 31st (25/1)

Incey to have shaved it off by Club Champs (EVS)

Gary to have less than 5 fags during easter PGA (7/2)

Anyone to leave Clarky hosted Easter PGA hungry (50/1)

Any society make to make an ace (including matchplays) (500/1)